Have you ever had that moment where you wonder, “What the heck is my adolescent child even thinking?” I don’t know a lot of parents that don’t have the thought, especially when teens commonly do and say things that don’t make a lot of sense!
But we were in that same spot once.
On numerous occasions parents have asked me why their kids don’t listen to them. I jokingly answer with a question: How often did you listen to your parents growing up?
And usually, parents give me a big, knowing grin… at least if they’re honest with themselves! Teens will be teens, and a major reason is that they are still changing as human beings. Expecting stability in the midst of chaos is asking a lot of some youth!
I think you’ll gain some empathy in understanding how your teens’ brains are still changing. You may not always be able to control it, but at least a few bits of insight can help you roll with the punches in these potentially turbulent years.
1. Your teen’s brain is done growing in size, but it’s not done maturing.
I’ll be the first to admit that it took a long time for my head to make more sense than most teens. Your teen might need some time as well.
The part of our brain that handles executive functioning, planning, and impulse control (the prefrontal cortex) is actually the last part of the brain which fully matures. Now, it doesn’t mean your teen is incapable of rational control. However, this fact allows for a wide range of behavioral outcomes depending on the individual!
For some, disorganization, difficulty keeping priorities, or aspects of self-regulation just seem a lot harder. And it is definitely an added burden when there are real pressures to use these skills for academic success.
2. Your teen’s brain may be susceptible to stress.
If the prefrontal cortex is immature, the amygdala can have a lot of free reign. This is a part of the limbic system that handles emotions as well as fight-or-flight. When stressful or challenging situations flare up, this part of the brain kicks into gear and puts our body into a heightened state of alertness. But dwelling in this high-tension mode for a long time isn’t good for anyone, especially for a young person as they’re still developing.
Emotional responses to stress aren’t limited to anxiety or depression. Procrastination and avoidance behaviors are an expression (possibly an extension) of a stress response in some people.
3. Teenage brains are high in plasticity.
This is great news, because plasticity describes the brain’s capacity to adapt, change, and heal. Teens may have it rough, but they possess resilience.
Teens are ready to learn and be shaped. It’s also critical that we treat this phase of their life with the respect it deserves. This means we can believe in their strengths, if we provide support, understanding, patience, and a lot of love.
And if things are tough today, we can believe it’s a phase that can and will pass. I hope that’s a dose of encouragement for all of us that are just doing our best day by day!